This years Super Bowl entertainment was proof that advertisers are either utterly clueless about their target demographic or simply don’t care that they are bastardizing the game and everything it means to its loyal fans. Working in the advertising industry, I have a pretty good sense of how a creative brainstorm works, and where the idea for a final concept is derived. With that said, I cannot fathom the conversation that must have taken place to lead to such a conclusion. Evidently it went something like this:

“What if we get dozens of people to prance around while Prince rips ‘Purple Rain’ on an overtly phallic guitar?”

“Dude, that is the best idea ever! But let’s get those people to wear leotards and twirl ribbons around too!”

“Awesome! I can’t see why any football fan wouldn’t love that. This is going to be the best Ultra Bowl show ever!”

Now don’t get me wrong, this is by no means criticism of Prince’s musical prowess or the entertainment value of Cirque du Soleil, but there is undoubtedly a time and place in which they are appropriate. Football’s holy day is certainly not one of them. Give me the Rolling Stones. Give me the Boss. Give me anything not in a leisure suit! The Super Bowl would not hold the cultural significance that it does if it wasn’t for the real fans. The ones who live for the game and die with their teams. Why are we overlooking the fans who truly matter and pandering to the people who presumably don’t even know the names of the teams playing? In short, show me something that this guy would like:

While his prediction was grossly inaccurate, he said it with the heart of a true football fan, and the help of a crazed fans best friend: alcohol. This is the type of guy you see at the stadium when it’s ten degrees out at the tail end of a losing season still supporting his team. Oh, and he’s usually not wearing a shirt. He earned this day, and, if he’s anything like me, is sick of having it ruined by the feel-good, politically-correct garbage that often supersedes the game itself. I’m not here to watch people hold hands, I’m here to see overgrown men pummel each other for no less than an hour. I don’t think I’m asking too much here.

The most common reason non-fans give for watching the Super Bowl is that they want to see the commercials, a cultural trend ignited by the classic 1984 spot by Apple introducing its McIntosh line of computers. And why not, 30 seconds worth of talking lions rolling their “R’s” in an attempt to sell a taquito cost enough money to fed a small country those same taquitos for 30 years. Someone better be watching this stuff.

I often wonder what the players think about all of this commercialism that overshadows their shot at gridiron glory. Thankfully, Snickers got me some answers. Their controversial “man kiss” commercial was shown to two of the games participants as their reactions were filmed. While Colts LB Cato June offers the type of insight you would expect from a 230lb man named Cato, Colts WR Marvin Harrison, with darting eyes and an incredibly uncomfortable smile on his face, offers the more thoughtful commentary of the two. And by thoughtful, of course, I mean far less straight.