“No one disputes that an on-duty Irvine police officer got an erection and ejaculated on a motorist during an early-morning traffic stop in Laguna Beach. The female driver reported it, DNA testing confirmed it and officer David Alex Park finally admitted it.”
As long as nobody disputes this fact, the case against Officer Park should be open and shut, right? Evidently not. A jury of 11 men and 1 woman found the officer not guilty of three felony charges. The United States judicial system serves up a steaming dish of justice once again. God bless America.
But he admitted committing this disgusting and pathetic act. How could this be, you ask? The victim was a stripper (a.k.a. Defense Attorney’s dream). Let the character assassination begin.
“Park didn’t pick a housewife or a 17-year-old girl,” veteran sex crime prosecutor Kamiabipour said in her closing argument. “He picked a stripper. He picked the perfect victim.”
As horrible as that statement is, it’s hard to deny that it’s not true. We’ve seen enough cases just in the past year that support this grim reality. Apparently working at a place called the ‘Captain Cream Cabaret’ completely destroys your credibility. Go figure.
Former NBA player John Amaechi recently came public about being gay, becoming the first former NBA player in history to do so. In response to this shocking news, several current and former NBA players were interviewed about their thoughts on playing with a gay teammate. Former Miami Heat guard Tim Hardaway took this opportunity to openly express his intolerance for gays. Stunned by the politically incorrectness of the statement, host Dan Le Batard gives Hardaway a chance to back down from his statement and offer a more image friendly answer. Hardaway’s response to being called a homophobic bigot?
I don’t even know where to start about this one. I’m disgusted. Not only at the fact that this was the most horribly cheesy thing I’ve ever seen, but at the fact that Vermont Teddy Bear could be so incredibly shameless. What shallow, clueless people could this product possibly be marketed towards? I’m very sorry for the disillusioned guys who I know watched this and thought that this was the foolproof way to guarantee your girl’s “surprise.” It won’t, I assure you. But, if it does, I would ask what boyfriends have given her in the past and proceed to feel very insecure.
Who are these people? Let me meet the guy who has a heart tattooed on his arm with “LOVE” written across it. Better yet, let me meet that same guy while he is staring adoringly at the tattoo. This will provide me the perfect opportunity to deliver a “beargram” in the form of a roundhouse kick to his temple. Call your friendly ‘Bear Counselor’ about that.
My business card says ‘Creative’, which is about as dull and all-encompassing of a statement as you could possibly come up with. Not even an attempt at embellishment. Irony aside, the possibility of this title describing a desirable job certainly exists. On the other hand, ‘Bear Counselor’, no matter how you twist it, sounds ridiculous.
Whose life do they think this nauseatingly cliché nonsense resonates with? I’m insulted for every self-respecting girl and every guy with a touch of originality out there. Don’t insult my intelligence. You don’t want a roundhouse kick from this.
